Everyone needs someone to blame

One thing about getting older is that unless you married the first person you loved and stayed forever in the same place, you accumulate people in your past which have become estranged. As time goes on, some people prune, rearrange, and distort their memories so that they can divert blame from themselves onto others. People need blame for the strangest things. The woman that screwed around when she was young later finds religion or marries a religious man and then seeks a scapegoat for her own activities of youth. Women seem to do this more than men do and I think this imbalance in distortion is the result of the greater emphasis that our society puts upon the "purity" of women in contrast to that of men.

Many years ago I received a letter from a woman that had been my girlfriend many years back. She accused me of all kinds of terrible things that did not match with my own memories. I was so shocked by her accusations that I went into a deep depression that cascaded into other areas of my life until I completely broke down. I have a very accurate memory of nearly everything in my life. Yes, there are gaps, but every incident she mentioned I remember clearly and my interpretation of what happened is different from hers. I do not believe she was lying. I believe that she believed everything she said, but I know she is not correct. Indeed, if she were correct, we would have broken up much earlier.

For many years this troubled me greatly and then I realized something. This woman admits that she thought I was much older than I am. Now, I remember very clearly that she knew how old I was. I also remember her asking me what year I was born and I remember her answer to the same question. We were only three years apart, but in her memory we were so far apart that I was some kind of perverted old man. She also imagined that I was a Texan. I was born in the town next to her town in Massachusetts. I told her that. She knew my whole family was there. 9 years later she thought I was from a different state than I was actually from.

I asked her about other things, like my attitudes about various things (everyone knows I am outspoken) and she did not remember that either. Consequently, I ask the question, "If she could not even remember the approximate difference in age between us or even where I am from (despite the fact that we were engaged), then how can I accept memories she has that differ from mine as being correct? I remember everything about her. Heck, I still remember her telephone number.

I have revisited in my mind each incident she wrote me about and I see only a small resemblance between her memory and what actually happened. It is as if I accidentally stepped on her toe and she remembers me cutting it off with a sword.

However, and this is a big "however", if I had treated her well, she would never have been able to amplify reality into making small errors on my part into large errors. My advice to the young is to treat your girlfriend the way you would want someone to treat your mother, because if you are even the slightest bit of an asshole, her exaggeration much later will describe you as a monster.

Those of you that saw the online harassment I went through several years back know I was accused of some nasty things. I believe that this woman's false accusations were the seed of that libel.

When I went to her house to offer friendship three years after we broke up, she hugged me and took a walk with me, alone. She never mentioned anything bad. The guy she had left me for was even older than I was. How could six years without contact (from that visit three years after we broke up) have sprouted a completely new interpretation of events? I remember in our last conversation that she took me to task for not believing in a higher power and she gave me the impression that she had suddenly become very religious. I speculate that she had the psychological need to recast the past. I was no angel, but my assholeness was a product of suffering from aspergers and not knowing how to relate to people. The guy she left me for, his name is Jim, had repeatedly beaten a previous girlfriend named Linda. I was one of the people who had to interfere to educate him that beating one's girlfriend is not right. Jim's advice to me was always "when girls say no, they mean yes." Evidently he sweet talked my ex-girlfriend because she is clueless about this part of his past. She should think about the fact that we never made love because I took "no" for an answer.

They say a rolling stone gathers no moss, but they fail to mention that a rolling stone gathers a lot of shit.





Despite having been falsely accused, I apologize for being so selfish, arrogant, and socially retarded. I was not yet ready for a relationship. I wish they trained boys in school to understand women. On that level, I was a complete moron. Obviously, she resented me. I feel very sad about that. I've worked my whole life to become a better person. I still care about her. I hope her life is full of love and happiness.